ASHLEY, I NEED YOU!

Dear Ashley,

I am asking you to P L E A S E write my research paper. I have the books in my dorm, all you have to do is walk to my dorm and pick them up. I will also ask of you to read the books, to get good quotes for this paper! I WILL NOT EXCEPT ANYTHING LESS THAN AN "A"! I need you to do this for me because during the time I "should" be writing my research paper, I will be fighting a subway and drinking a Strawberry Banana smoothie addiction. I will be in rehab for 6 days, and my paper in due in 6 days. While in rehab I will be constantly calling your phone to make sure you are on task! I also have a disease in my fingers called "Lazyotus" which means after 50 words my hands go disabled! You don't want me to fail my research paper right? PLEASE do this for me. SIX WORDS LEFT BEFORE MY HANDS GO DISABLED, So will you do this please?

Dear Lauren,

I understand your concerns and that is a very serious reason why you are going to rehab. I have my addictions as well but I will be unable to write your paper. Those reasons are because I will be going to Florida in 3 days and I will not be in class to turn in your paper for you. Also I have to finish my paper as well. I need to get an A on my paper also. I am willing to help you write it before you leave or when you get back if you get an extension from the teacher. But I would like to have a enjoyable and relaxing time on the beach while you are in rehab probably resting as well. But I can help you with writing it since you have your disease. I have no problem with that!


ASHLEY,

PLEASE WRITE MY PAPER! MY DOCTOR SAYS REHAB ISN'T WORKING AND I WILL GO IN OVERDOSE SOON. MY OTHER DOCTOR ALSO SAYS THAT THERE IS NOTHING THAT CAN TREAT MY LAZYOTUS! HELP, OR I WILL FAIL MY CLASS. MY GRADE IS IN YOUR HANDS, MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION! YOU DON'T WANT ME TO HAVE TO RETAKE THE CLASS, RIGHT? RIGHT? COME ON ASHLEY, DO THE RIGHT THING!